


Show Who You Are

by lilacsigil



Category: New Mutants (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacsigil/pseuds/lilacsigil
Summary: Rahne Sinclair has a name on her wrist. Reverend Craig tells her that it's because she's evil.
Relationships: Danielle Moonstar/Rahne Sinclair, Moira MacTaggert & Rahne Sinclair
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Show Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tobiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobiko/gifts).



Rahne knew she wasn't good, just like her mother. She tried and tried, but she constantly fell into sin. Today, Mrs McAllister who cleaned the manse had gone to see her new grandson, so it was Rahne's job to scrub the kitchen floor after school. She concentrated so hard on getting the corners clean that she didn't have it finished by the time Reverend Craig got home from his church meeting. 

"You lazy girl! Everything you do shows exactly who you are – a wretched slattern just like your mother!" 

She'd been sent to bed with a hard smack on the bottom and no tea but occupying her mind more than her growling stomach and her sore bottom was that she had caught a glimpse of a name on Reverend Craig's wrist. 

After all he'd said about being led into sin, it turned out that he had a name on his wrist, just like she had! Keeping it covered was not unusual – many people considered it modest and appropriate to cover your soul name, if you had one, in public – and Rahne certainly kept hers covered. It was, though, unusual to keep it covered even at home. Rahne could only suppose that this was because she wasn't actually his family but the living reminder of a dead woman's sin. She couldn't remember her mother, who had died when Rahne was small, but everyone knew that she'd been on the game, as the older ladies at church put it, and wasn't Reverend Craig kind to take her in and raise her to be good? Her classmates were less inclined to use euphemisms, but at least they couldn't get away with whispering, "Whore," at her within the hearing of their teacher. 

The name written on Rahne's wrist in a pale beige was "Dani", and she had waited patiently to see if a final "el" would appear, but it had not. Both the boys at school with that name spelled it "Danny" – which Rahne was secretly glad about, as she didn't like either of them – and she'd realised that she didn't actually know the first name of most of the adults in her life. Her surreptitious reading in the tiny school library had let her know that most soul mates were born within five years of each other, so she felt fairly safe not trying to find out. A sinful thought snuck into her head right then: maybe her Dani wasn't from Ullapool. Maybe, one day, Rahne was going to leave. A bad thought like that made her work harder at getting the kitchen clean, careful not to miss anything, trying to be good. And here she was with a sore bottom and no dinner anyway. She was, she thought, just naturally bad. 

One of those dreams came again that night, where she was running across the hills, on four legs, strong and free, the night alive with scents – and midges, of course, but they didn't bother her except when they flew into her mouth – but this time there was a girl running beside her. Rahne couldn't see the girl's face, low to the ground as she was, but the girl was strong and tall and smelled delicious. She ran at the exact same pace as Rahne, side by side. There was absolutely no fear in her: the girl had complete confidence in herself and in Rahne, beside her. Rahne awoke with the smell of the night in her nose and grass stains on her feet, but it was the memory of running beside the girl that lingered. 

*** 

"Rahne, love, when I rescued you from Father Craig, I noticed that you have a soul name on your wrist."

Rahne, dressed in hand-me-downs from Moira until they could get to the shops, nodded. The two of them were making dinner, side by side at the worn kitchen table. On the bench, a little centrifuge whirred away, because there was no part of Moira's home that wasn't also her lab. "I suppose I wasn't wearing any clothes, was I?" She blushed and could feel her embarrassment rising up into her hairline.

"Oh, I covered you up with my jacket soon enough. You're such a wee thing, it was practically swimming on you."

Rahne put down her vegetable peeler and self-consciously pushed her jumper sleeves back up her arms. Moira's old clothes were lovely and warm, and very good quality even after being put away for so long, but Moira must have been a much sturdier child than Rahne was. 

"Don't worry, love. It takes a lot of energy to change forms like you do. Feed you properly and you'll catch up in no time. Your mother was a fine tall lass herself, with red hair just like yours."

"Did you know her?" Rahne blurted out, then bit her lip. That was the first time she'd ever heard someone say anything even slightly approving about her mother, and she wished she hadn't said anything now. For certain, whatever Moira said next would spoil that. 

"You know I helped deliver you, don't you? Apart from that, I didn't know your mother well, but I remember that she had pretty red hair like yours, and I gave her a lift into town once or twice. She was one of the few people around here with a soul name on her arm, but I don't know what it was." Moira finished chopping the carrots Rahne had peeled and pushed them aside in a neat heap.

"Did she tell you about it?" 

"She saw mine – I don't believe in keeping them covered – and she asked me about it." She pushed up her sleeve. "Here, you can see it."

Moira's mark was a much darker brown than Rahne's, and said "Joseph" in clear, solid letters. 

Rahne blinked and looked up at Moira. There was certainly no Joseph around here. She'd heard Moira talking on the phone to a man at night, sometimes, but his name was Charles, not Joseph. "You haven't found your soul mate?"

Moira pressed her lips together. "Oh, I found him all right. We were married. And he was a right brute of a man, too. Still, we managed to come to an agreement, at least. He left me alone and I didn't divorce him. It was good for his career to have me as a wife, and I didn't want to have to give him half of my island." She stirred the vegetables in the pot with more force than was really necessary. "And in any case, he's dead now."

Rahne had never heard anyone talk this way about their soul mate. "But…you were supposed to be perfect for each other? Your soul marks called to each other!"

"Well, that's what people say, but people say a lot of things that aren't true. Things that they would like to be true."

"Reverend Craig says that people with a soul mark are being led into temptation. That they're being told to put a person before God, especially if they're both men or both women." _But he has one himself,_ Rahne thought, mutinously.

"Reverend Craig says a lot of things but that doesn't make him right. There's only three things we know about soul marks since they started appearing in the 1950s: they manifest at the onset of puberty, they're made of melatonin – that's why yours is so pale, by the way – and they seem to be much more common in mutants and the parents of mutants."

"Oh! So that's why my mum had one?"

"It certainly made it more likely. Now, would you set the table, love? Your tea's nearly ready."

Rahne obediently went to the cutlery drawer, but she couldn't let go of the idea of Moira and the name on her wrist. "You were supposed to be soul mates."

"There was something between us before I even knew his name, there truly was. But a soul connection doesn't make a man kind, or honest. That's something you have to work on, and Joe didn't care to do that. Whatever Reverend Craig says, he didn't put me before God. He didn't even put me before his career."

Rahne put down the knives and forks and suddenly threw her arms around Moira. "I'm sorry! You're so good and kind, I wish he had been good to you."

Moira stroked her hair. "Well, I hope when you find your Dani, they're a better person than Joe was."

Their conversation stuck in Rahne's mind, especially that Moira had known her mother. She clung to those tiny scraps of information as she helped Moira around the house and in the lab. It was the middle of summer, so there was no school, and Rahne didn't want to broach the topic in case she was being sent back to Ullapool. She doubted Moira would let her stay home, and she wasn't yet old enough to leave school. 

The thing that bothered her the most, though, was that she knew her mother had died when Rahne was a baby, but if Moira had delivered Rahne, how had that happened? Moira was incredibly smart, with three bookcases filled just with science books, and awards and diplomas on the wall. Important people wrote her letters and asked her to visit their universities – Rahne knew because she helped Moira with the post. Why wouldn't she be able to save one woman having a baby? 

"When I was born…what happened?" Rahne asked one afternoon as they walked across the windy hills of Muir Island.

"It was a terrible night, with a great storm. The doctor was away on the Isle of Lewis, and the poor fellow was stuck there because the ferry couldn't run. Luckily, I was in town and couldn't get out to Muir myself, so when the clinic nurse heard I was staying at the pub she gave me a call. You were a breech birth, so your mother really should have been sent over to Inverness first, but you were born a wee bit early. You were just a scrap of a thing, and the nurse and I got you out safely."

"But I thought my mother died! That having me killed her!" Rahne burst out. 

"Oh, no, love, not then. It sometimes happens…" Moira considered her words, and took Rahne's hand. "It sometimes happens, that when a woman has a baby, all the hormones and the stress of a new baby combine to upset her mind. She left you safe with Reverend Craig and threw herself into the sea."

Rahne's eyes brimmed with tears. "She was a suicide? Oh no, oh no!"

"If Reverend Craig's told you some rubbish about suicides going to Hell, I don't want to hear a word about it. Your mother had an illness, and nobody helped her, and she died."

"So it _was_ me that killed her?" 

"Oh, love, you're so ready to blame yourself! She wanted you very much. But just wanting doesn't mean it'll all work out. I had a child, my son Kevin…his mutant power was a very bad one. It meant that he was terribly disabled and a danger to other people. That wasn't his fault. I tried to protect him, and people still got hurt, and died. I made my choice and your mother made hers. There's no blame or sin on children, or the sick, Rahne, and you mustn't think there is."

Rahne wanted to argue that of course there was, they were all born with the stain of sin, but her fingers crept to the name on her wrist, and she couldn't quite say it. Maybe Rahne had a sinful nature, but she couldn't think that about the promised Dani, whoever that might be. And her mother had wanted her, had carried her for nine months, had given her a name and made sure her baby was safe even when she was on her way to her own death. Maybe it was a sin, to die that way, but caring for a helpless baby was an act of powerful goodness. 

*** 

Rahne hadn't seen a dead person before, but it was clear that the old man on the wooden platform was dead, not sleeping. Moira and the Professor conferred in low voices, and Rahne crept closer to the pretty Vietnamese girl Xi'an, who was keeping a careful lookout. Rahne had never met a Vietnamese person before, so she had had to try very hard not to stare at her, though after two days in her company it was much easier. Xi'an was very kind to Rahne, although they had difficulty understanding each other's accent and they often had to repeat words more slowly. Rahne was about to speak to her, concerned by how sad the Professor looked, when Xi'an suddenly screamed and ran towards the trees, obviously terrified. 

Rahne turned to Moira to ask what to do, but before any of them could react, an explosion threw them to the ground. Rahne recovered quickly – she was slightly winded but not otherwise hurt, and she scrambled over to Moira and the Professor. 

"What's happening?" she gasped, pulling Moira to her feet. 

"We're being attacked, look!" Moira pointed to men in heavy armour standing on kind of hovercraft. They were zooming off down the hill, away from Rahne's current position. "Rahne, help me get Charles back in his wheelchair."

Rahne transformed into her half-girl half-wolf form for greater strength, and while Moira righted the wheelchair, she easily lifted the stunned Professor by the underarms and helped him back into position. She hesitated on changing into her wolf form, because then she would have to clamber free of her clothes and it would be far too embarrassing to have to gather them up again and get dressed in front of anyone but Moira.

"Good girl," he told her, blinking once or twice then staring off into the distance. He must be tracking the villains with his telepathic powers. Rahne was quite scared of them, but she couldn't deny they were useful. Xi'an also seemed to be recovered, standing at the edge of a cliff and staring down it in the direction the armoured men had gone. Rahne wanted to run over and help her, but something was distracting her, now that she was in her half-wolf form. It was a scent, something clear and beautiful that reminded Rahne of nothing more than a clear winter's day, those rare times when the sun sparkled low acros the fresh snow and over the sea, and it seemed like the darkness of the season was banished. She staggered slightly, and shifted back into her human form, overwhelmed by the sensation of light and happiness. 

Xi'an had returned to her side, by then, and the Professor cried out a name, "Danielle! No!" 

A brown-skinned girl ran into view, her face hot with anger, her long hair in two plaits tied with leather. Rahne stared and stared, completely missing everything that was going on. Something happened with the armoured men, Danielle drew a knife but didn't stab anyone…Rahne's eyes were fixed on Danielle. Dani. 

By the time the Professor had extracted thoughts from their prisoners and made the plan to split up in an attempt to save the next two targets of Donald Pierce, Rahne had come back to earth. Dani was a girl. No matter how wonderful and fierce and strong she was, no matter how clean and beautiful her scent was, this was wrong. Moira's talk of mutant genetics couldn't be relevant, not for two girls, and Reverend Craig's voice echoed in her very bones. Dani was a temptation for Rahne, to turn her away from God. 

Sitting down on the ground, hoping not to be noticed, Rahne made herself very small, and was glad that she was going with the Professor to Kentucky, while the other girls were going to Brazil with Moira. Being around Dani was overpowering. 

Dani still walked right up to Rahne and stood in front of her, hands on hips. "So what's your name? Do you have telepathic powers too?"

Rahne shook her head, unable to speak. Xi'an came over to help.

"Her name's Rahne and she's very shy. She's been living on an island in Scotland. She's not telepathic, but she can turn into a wolf."

"Really?" Dani grinned and Rahne felt like her bones had turned to liquid. 

"Yes," she managed to squeak out.

"That's amazing! What kind of wolf? Are there wolves in Scotland? There's a lot around here."

"I don't know?" Rahne hadn't even thought about kinds of wolves. "A reddish-brown wolf, I s'pose?" The initial shock of Dani's presence was wearing off now, and Rahne could take in more about her. She was tall and athletic, but there were small bloodstains on her clothing and she was cradling her injured arm. Her American accent and direct way of speaking made her sound someone out of a movie, and that feeling of unreality helped Rahne get to her feet and try to at least be polite. 

"It's nice to meet you, Danielle," she managed, but felt herself slipping again when Dani smiled. She wouldn't have to hang on much longer, she thought. Soon she and the Professor would be on a plane, and Dani would be on another, and that would be that. 

*** 

Dani had nearly died in the battle with the Demon Bear, but all Rahne could think about was seeing her bare wrist, exposed in the snow, with "Rahne" written on it. How selfish and bad Rahne was! She should be so glad that Dani was alive and would recover from her terrible injuries, and that her parents were alive and well, but all she wanted to do was hold Dani's hand and look at her own name on Dani's soft skin forever. Instead, she'd pulled Dani's jumper sleeve down over the mark and called for help. If any of the others had seen it – or the doctors at the hospital – they certainly hadn't said a word about it. 

At least this silly sleepover with girls from Salem Centre was a distraction. They looked like they were having so much fun, dancing and eating popcorn and talking about boys – Dani was still in a wheelchair but she was as much in a party mood as anyone, catching the Skittles that Amara threw at her and eating them with her mouth open, laughing as heartily as her tender ribs would allow. Rahne should join in, and she wanted to, but her own sinfulness was on her mind right now, and she shouldn't give in.

Luckily, the other girls didn't agree, and Rahne was soon dressed up, made up, and wearing Amara's clip-on earrings. She knew she shouldn't but she felt pretty, grown-up, confident. Besides, Moira wore lipstick and dressed up, and she was the best adult Rahne knew. 

By the end of the night, they had two new teammates – Warlock and Doug – and the Professor wasn't even mad at them, though there was going to be a lot of clean-up later. The pretty dress Rahne had been wearing was torn by her wolf claws, but Amara had laughed about it and said not to worry, she had a dozen more. Dani had tried to walk and fallen in the hallway, but Rahne had been with her to help, and everyone was well. Rahne, though was still pacing the hallway in wolf form, unable to settle.

"Rahne, sweetie, I can feel you pacing around," Dani said through their telepathic link. 

"I'm sorry! I'll go to bed."

"No, come to my room. The pain meds aren't working yet. Come sit with me until I get sleepy."

Rahne shifted back to her half-wolf form to open Dani's door, then back to a wolf to lie across the end of her bed. 

"Come up here, silly," Dani tugged at her thick neck fur. Rahne shifted back to half-wolf and curled up beside her, her fur keeping her nice and warm without needing to be under the blanket. It was nice to feel Dani's mind right there at the back of her own.

"Oh," Dani said, "That's why you've been a wolf so much lately, isn't it? You like to feel our connection there."

"Do you mind? I'll stop if you want!"

"No, of course I don't mind, silly! But the Professor is worried about how much you like being a wolf and how nervous and shy you are as a girl. He wanted me to check if you were okay. Part of being team leader, I guess."

"There's nothing wrong. I just…I just like knowing you're nearby." Rahne could smell Dani's hair snuggled up next to her. She hardly ever had it loose like this and it was silky draped against the side of Rahne's face.

"I like knowing where you are, too, Rahney. And I’m guessing by the way you've been staying close that you saw your name on my arm when I was in hospital."

"I – I didn't mean – " Rahne sat bolt upright but instantly regretted it when Dani gasped and Rahne felt the painful jostle through their link. "Sorry!"

"It's fine, stay here." Dani stroked the back of Rahne's neck where her fur bristled. "I've known it was you since we met. I used to think it was pronounced 'Rah-nee', you know, like a queen in India. When we met, I was so mixed up and angry about my grandfather's death, and all these white people showing up to tell me what to do…and you're younger than me, I didn't know for sure that my name had shown up for you."

Rahne wriggled free to grab a long t-shirt from Dani's laundry basket. She pulled it on, then shifted back to her human form to show Dani the pale letters on her wrist. She couldn't look Dani in the eye, though, and breaking the link between them was a blessed relief. 

"That's so pretty! Mine's really plain." She held her wrist out to Rahne, who looked at it out of the corner of her eye. 

"It's wrong, though," Rahne finally managed to gasp out. "To put a person before God. And Moira said, about genetics…"

"Oh, Rahney, you've been twisting yourself up in knots, haven't you? Change back to your wolfgirl form and come back here. You can feel my emotions. I'm not ashamed or frightened or disgusted by you. I think you're great."

Rahne shifted back, desperately wanting to snuggle up next to Dani, but contenting herself with the link for now. "Really?"

"Look how you helped poor Warlock tonight! We were all scared of him, but you were the one who took his hand. You're brave and ferocious and kind like nobody else, and I wish you could see that."

Even if Rahne couldn't believe the words, she could feel the honesty and love through their bond, and she sat on the edge of the bed, within Dani's reach. "Moira said that mostly parents of mutants, and mutants, we get soul marks, and maybe it's to make more mutants? But that can't be right, because we're both girls, and there's been lots more who are both boys, or both girls."

"What does Moira say?" Dani put on a dreadful Scottish accent. "Science isnae about knowing the answers, it's about finding them, och aye."

Rahne giggled. "She doesn't sound like that! I don't sound like that!"

"Och, a wee bit you do!" Dani laughed too, and dropped the accent. "I don't really know what the soul names are about. Nobody does. But I know how much I care about you, and I want you to understand that, here in your heart." She put her warm hand on the centre of Rahne's chest, and Rahne felt her own heartbeat through Dani's hand. "No matter what other people say, or how they try to explain it, we have this connection."

"Reverend Craig –"

Dani made a face. "I do not want to hear a word from Reverend Craig!"

"No, I mean, for everything he says, he also has a soul mark."

"Ha! He must have met his soul mate, then they took one look at him and told him to go jump! That's why he's so mad about it!" 

Rahne giggled at Dani's irreverence, and edged closer until she was sitting on the bed, and covered Dani's hand with her own, smaller one. She could feel doubts and fears twisting around her soul, but at the same time, they were like tiny, fleeting shadows compared to Dani's sunlight. She didn't know how to accept what Dani was offering, but she could at least cling to the truth that their connection was true, that Dani cared for her, and she cared for Dani just as fiercely. 

Dani yawned. "The meds are working, I think. Finally!"

"Should I go?"

"No, stay here. Watch over me, Rahne. I know you'll keep me safe."

Rahne felt tears sting her eyes at Dani's trust in her, but she blinked them away so that Dani wouldn't see. Maybe she could be what Dani saw – brave and ferocious and kind – or maybe not, but she was going to try her best to listen to Dani's voice above all the others. Her Dani deserved no less.


End file.
